Wherefore Art Thou, Holy Spirit?

I think if I looked back at my journals over the last year or so, I’d see a lot of frustration being pointed to my inability to hear or sense God when I wanted Him to tell me what to do or provide relief. I was reminded numerous times of Mother Teresa, when after she passed away, they found her own writings that showed her often experiencing a stale faith and a quiet God. She still obeyed and practiced such self-discipline and trust in the way that she kept on serving and loving others, but I can imagine that would be very challenging. So many well-respected Christians from our history have experienced their own bouts of depression or lethargy when it came to their faith. God is quiet sometimes. However, other times He speaks so clearly through miracles, circumstances one could never be convinced are “coincidences”, dreams, hearts and lives changed, etc. I know it is wise to learn to expect an ebb and flow in faith patterns and that it is very normal. He is always with us, regardless of feelings, but it is also wise to know His promises so we can lean on them in the dry seasons.
I have wanted the touchy-feely faith that some people seem to have and I’ve wanted it to comply with my idol of comfort. I like happy thoughts and smooth days. I like feeling organized and in control. I don’t think that’s crazy or abnormal, but it can make emotions that are different than that bring me down and feel frustrated with God. With my prayers, as I addressed in a previous post, I’ve spent a lot of effort trying so hard to hear from Him; maybe hoping for an encouraging phrase or clear direction of some sort. I have had an experience like that a couple of times in my life, but it is not a regular occurrence. So often I forget that God can “speak” through other people, things we experience or learn, but most importantly (but often times the most challenging) through His Word.
Within just the last month or so, I have come across repetition on this issue. My brain needs repetition. Just last week I heard myself saying something like, “I read this last week, and then the sermon on Sunday had the same message, and then wait! this was in my stinking notes from bible study!” I like it when He does that. He gets me. God knows my skeptical, stubborn nature.
Some of the rich information I have learned recently addressed how the Holy Spirit works in our lives. The Trinity is by far one of the more challenging concepts to attempt to understand, but the mystery of it is becoming almost beautiful to me. I love to see Jesus as the physical human example of God; God with skin on. Jesus is a way for us to hear His words and see the way he treated others, so we will also know how to attempt to love. He is the “only mediator between God and mankind” (1 Timothy 2:5). The Holy Spirit, or sometimes called Advocate, Counselor, Comforter, or Helper (my favorite) is the connection to Christ for us humans. One of the most significant ways I learned the Holy Spirit works is to bring to mind what Jesus has already said. This was a huge revelation for me! This may sound silly to a mature believer, but I have spent so much time trying to “get” God to talk to me, when that is exactly what the Word of God is meant to do. I’ve always known I’m supposed to read the Bible, but it ain’t easy. It can be intimidating. I read the Word when I do bible studies or devotionals pretty regularly, but I am yet to be really IN the Word; where I am genuinely feeding on it, reading it as true daily instruction or the ultimate way to hear from the God of the whole universe! As a friend shared with me today, to be “in Christ” is to be in the Word. John 15:15 has Jesus saying, “all that I have heard from my Father, I have made known to you”. How cool is that?
I feel as though a page has turned and I’m able to see a bit more on how I am able to know more of God. I guess it seems obvious that the way to know God better is to read the Bible, but I think I have just avoided the self-discipline needed to really do so and preferred He just give me the Cliffs Notes version or a one-liner; bada-bing! A struggle I’ve come to recently realize in the last couple of years is that I know about Jesus, but don’t know Jesus. I began to pray that I would learn to know Him and I imagine this process that’s unfolding is just a sliver of the answer to that prayer. How do you hear from the Holy Spirit? Has the Word of God come alive to you and reminded you of His promises?